Values

With an election looming it's hard not to think about values.  We are bombarded by ads which presume an emotional connection to our values that will override our commonsense and analytical processes.  Reading the news, scrolling through the Facebook feed, listening to the radio,  I hear many kneejerk reactions that reveal an underlying assumption: that we should expect to see our Values reflected in the world around us.  And when we don't we should be outraged, and look for someone to blame.

This leads me to wonder... how many of us actually live a life according to those values?  And how many sculpt our values to fit nicely into our life?  And what do we do when they (our values and our lives)  change?
When I was young I valued idealism.  Often my idealism prevented my from listening.  Life lessons have revealed a destructive side to that value. While Martin Luther King was idealistic, so was Adolf Hitler. (I can only hope it is obvious to the reader that one accomplished constructive change and the other didn't)  It is our human qualities, lessons and actions that take idealism on a path to constructive or destructive ends.

When I was young, the dramatic contrasts defined my values.  As I age, varying shades of gray color not only my hair but also my perceptions of the world.

The Grays:
Acceptance
Bill Withers, in the documentary "Still Bill" said this (more or less, I am quoting from memory) "What I hope for before I die is to accept everything"  His wisdom, and his beautiful music, takes my breath away

Love
Yes, love.  Not the Romantic kind we fall for in the movies, but the simple, uneventful love that grows with daily care.

Responsibility
What I have struggled with so much on my forties... taking responsibility for your own life and resisting the urge to judge or blame.  It's work, but I think it is the only way to grow.  Every action we take not only defines us, it sculpts us into who we will be tomorrow.

 

Patience
Real change happens, but it's so slow we often don't notice it.  So we complain, give up and excuse ourselves.  Along with responsibility, this one has been the biggest lesson of my forties. Patience truly is a virtue, and by taking a breath and letting things unfold we can learn to treat our lives, and the world, with a more careful touch.

Boundaries
This one was a challenge for me.  I try to be nice to everyone and I aim to please.  In learning to assert my own personal boundaries I have also learned to respect others.  A greater sense of self is not equivalent to selfishness, but rather strength and real confidence.

Which leads me to the Center of the gray scale....
Trust (also known as faith)
Learning to accept and take responsibility for my life has given me a greater love, for myself and the people in my life, and patience, when we all don't live up to my ideals.

Wishes

When I was younger I wished to be appreciated, for belonging and acceptance, and to be a famous artist.
I also wanted an ark of my very own, including a tiger, a soft-shelled turtle, every breed of dog in my very dog-eared copy of "Man's Best Friend" and a Platypus.  I also wanted a Kiwi bird, although they are extinct.

Woman who walks with Monkeys.  "Mysterystones" on Instagram

So.. some come true, some don't.  Sometimes what we wish for is just what we need, and other times it's a fantasy that we pass our time with, like a familiar friend that doesn't ask for explanations.

Some of our dreams change with us.  I learned as an adult when you love and accept yourself it comes naturally from others who love and accept themselves.  When I remember to be grateful for this gift I can give myself and others, everything works out just as it should.

My wish to be a famous artist has changed to a dream of making art everyday and sharing it with the world.

"Dawn Patel Art" on Instagram

My wish for the menagerie of creatures has turned into a world of imaginary creatures in my sketchbook.  (And two dogs and a cat at home)

The hands are trees and the trees have eyes.

And now... wishes for the future!
I wish to grow old and wear a yellow housecoat and chase the bus around.
I wish to grow old and hang out with the young street artists and breakdance and spray paint on the walls.
I wish to go canoeing through the Amazon at 80.
I wish to see the trees seeing me and talk to them.
I wish to run through the snow with my grandson and remind him of magic when he lets the world in too much.
I wish that any time any of my friends remembers me they picture a laughing face.

Me in my yellow housecoat.

Love

What is it good for?

Absolutely Everything!

https://www.etsy.com/listing/203470067/the-wings-of-love-original-painting-on-a?ref=shop_home_active_24

Believe in your dreams

 Today is the day I have decided to believe in my own dreams the way I have encouraged others to believe in their own dreams.  As long as I can remember I have had one consistent dream, one consistent love and one consistent passion.  Art.  And yet...at the age of 48 I have done EVERYTHING ELSE but pursue my life as an artist with all of my energy, confidence and hard work.  Don't get me wrong, I have never stopped MAKING ART.  I have been drawing, painting, collaging and constructing images almost every day of my life, while waitressing, teaching, owning my own retail store, parenting, traveling, drifting, dreaming and sleeping through life. 

For the past week I have been visiting with my amazing daughter. Yesterday we got to talking about my business plans for the upcoming year.  I starting throwing out all my ideas, various plans of consignment galleries, workshops, even part time jobs.  In short my fear based plans stemming from the deeply embedded data in my brain spelling out: YOU CAN'T MAKE A LIVING FROM YOUR ART.  I have opened and closed two successful retail stores, worked as a barista, waitress, bartender, teacher, social worker.  I have two etsy shops, one for vintage and one for up-cycled clothing.  I have trademarked brand names and been the subject of newspaper and magazine articles.  And meanwhile I run home at the end of the day and sketch in my sketchbook or paint at my easel... usually giving away the products of the late night endeavors to friends and family.

In the middle of this conversation that began like so many other my dear daughter Candance says, "When are you going to start putting all your effort into yourself?"  The question stopped me short.  Being an independent woman making my own living (often through self employment) I thought I was, but after being asked the pointed question I thought about it... I worked hard for everyone, my landlord, my employees, my vendors, my consignment artists.  Not that these people aren't very important, but I was at the end of the list, and often, because of lack of time and energy, I fell off the list altogether!

So that's it.  No more excuses.  I am starting today.  This blog is dedicated to a new beginning, a new life.  The one where I believe in myself wholeheartedly.  Where I live my dreams without fear and follow the words of advice I preach to so many others, "To thine own self be true."  I will be sharing everything here, my thoughts, progress, past work, future dreams and even my mistakes.